The Right Way: A love story in four acts
by hercat
Summary: Because every author needs a drunken morningafterthenightbefore story.
1. ACT I: A chance meeting

Title; The Right Way: A Love story in Three Acts

ACT 1: A chance meeting

by Hercat

Reviews: Them's the good stuff!

* * *

It took Iruka a few seconds to realise that his head hurt, the pain was that bad. But then he did, and the nausea hit too, and he lay there wishing he could just take his head _off_ and perhaps put it on the shelf for a day or so until it had calmed down.

He carefully wrapped his hands around it as if it were a bomb that might go off.

"Headache?" Inquired a far-too-cheerful voice. Iruka slowly turned his head, which woke up his spine, which in turn notified him that his butt hurt. Really hurt.

Of course, Iruka wasn't paying attention to that, because he was staring at Hatake Kakashi from all of four inches away.

It was at this point that Iruka realised that he was naked.

"My head hurts," said Iruka, because that was about as far as his brain could get before shutting down.

"I'm not surprised," said Kakashi with a smile. "You were pretty drunk. Do you remember anything?"

Iruka carefully poked through his memories. They got fuzzy yesterday afternoon (at least he hoped that was yesterday) and there were only pieces after that.

"The Christmas Party?" ventured Iruka

"Yup."

"…Shiranui-san yodeling?"

"I'd forgotten that."

"Guy and the lampshade?"

"I was trying to forget that."

"…"

"Nothing else?"

"Not really, no."

"Saa, you missed all of the interesting bits," said Kakashi with a stretch that rolled the comforter back and clearly showed that he wasn't wearing anything either. _That_ was when it really hit Iruka.

He curled up with his face in his hands. He couldn't believe he'd…for the first time…and with Hatake Kakashi who was technically his superior and even if they had Naruto in common, virtually a stranger.

And he couldn't even _remember_. That was somehow the worst.

"I'm so sorry," Iruka said. "What you must think of me…" he could feel tears prickle behind closed eyelids. _Kami-Sama, please -no-. I will not cap this farce off by bursting into tears like a hysterical schoolgirl._

A large warm hand settled on his shoulderblade.

"Actually Iruka –" Iruka cut him off, bolting upright and smacking the comforter for emphasis.

"There's only one thing to do!" he proclaimed.

"Sou ka?" said Kakashi, looking ready to bolt.

"I refuse to have sex without remembering it. We'll just have to do it again!"

And so they did.


	2. ACT II: The Other Man

Title; The Right Way: A Love story in Three Acts

ACT II: The other man

* * *

Iruka was sitting at the missions desk wishing very badly that he was horizontal. School was out today, but the business of Ninja-ing went on, so so did he.

His bum really hurt now. But so did his head, so he had a matched set. '_A matched pair!'_ giggled his subconscious _'two peas in a pod'._ Iruka firmly shoved it to the back of his head. Working here was difficult enough without a perverted sense of humour. He'd come close to losing it when Izumo asked to borrow his pencil.

It was going to be a long, long shift.

"Iruka-Sensei! Truly, it is a Pleasure to see Your Shining Guideline of Industry on this Lovely Day."

"It's raining _slush_ Guy," Iruka said tiredly. He added two subjective hours to the shift length.

"One who carries Summer in their Heart will Always Glow With the Inner Light of One Thousand Stars!" Iruka stared at the 'Nice Guy' thumbs-up and had to repress several extremely perverted thoughts about fingers. "I trust Your Youthful Physique has recovered from the Acrobatic Contortions of Yesterday?"

It took a few seconds for this to percolate through Iruka's brain, but when it did, the panic was instantaneous.

"Truly it is a Shame the Table collapsed." _Guh_ "The School furniture is apparently No Match for Our Youthful Aerobics"

Guy TOO? Maito Guy? On the table? At the party? In front of everyone? In front of the HOKAGE? Iruka wasn't sure how drunk he'd been, but he knew there wasn't enough beer in the _world_ for that.

The shock prodded his subconscious though, which coughed up several pieces of information.

"I was break dancing. On the table." Iruka suggested slowly. It sounded right.

"A most Vigorous Display," confirmed Guy.

"You tried to join me, and the table collapsed. I hurt my…I got hurt."

"I trust the Power of Youth will Quickly Return you to the Bloom of your Health."

Iruka wasn't too sure what he'd said, but it must have been acceptable, because Guy took a scroll and left.

Now that he thought about it, the ache _now_ was in a different place from the ache _before. _More…inwards.

Now that he thought about it, they'd had to get some lubricant. Shouldn't there have been some left?

Now that he thought about it, the room hadn't smelled any different from usual. At least not the first time he'd woken up.

Iruka's eyes narrowed. _Hatake, you're going to find out just why no one in the Academy picked on me. Not more than once anyway._


	3. ACT III: Overflowing Passion

Title; The Right Way: A Love story in Four Acts

ACT III: Overflowing Passion

* * *

Everyone was afraid of something. Whether it was the death of people you loved, failure or those caterpillars which looked like eyebrows. 

Iruka never based his pranks on fear; it was the difference between being funny and cruel. There had to be lines you refused to cross, even if they were all in your head.

Instead he based them on dislikes; disorder, being wet, being seen as foolish. There were a whole host of options, and Iruka had years of psychological training (also known as 'teaching') which made it easy to choose the most effective.

Operation 'Hysterical Schoolgirl' was now underway. And Iruka, armed with boxes of cheap construction paper and pre-made cards didn't even have to worry about covering his tracks. Far into the night he worked, hunched over paper scraps and glue, lace and calligraphy sets.

'Be Mine', 'Yours, Iruka', 'My Sweet Valentine', 'My Passionate Lover'. Even a rather horrible poem about Kakashi's hair, of which Iruka was particularly proud.

None of them said 'I Love You' though. Iruka wanted to save those words for someone special.

* * *

And so it was that when Hatake Kakashi left his apartment the next morning, he found a valentine at his door and another in his mailbox. And one in his favourite tree. Another was attached to the hydrant Pakkun liked. And another at the restaurant he went to for breakfast. That one had been under the chair he usually sat in. He'd thought it was a pressure sensitive explosive note at first; so really, it was understandable he'd reacted badly. They would probably allow him to come back in a couple of months. 

The bombardment of love notes continued all morning. By the time lunch rolled around, he was feeling more than a little twitchy, and heartily wishing he'd gone home alone last night. Still, it had been so nice to feel someone for once. To feel that warmth against his side and know he wasn't alone.

He didn't know Iruka particularly well, but he'd always admired the man. For being someone the students could trust. For trying to protect them and not giving a flying fuck about anything else. For being openly caring in a village made up of masks. Even if Kakashi was discovering that there was more than one screw loose in that pretty little head.

He'd asked Sensei for advice, but all he'd gotten back was the old adage 'A man has a brain and a dick, but only enough blood to use one of them at a time'. Which he really should have remembered when he was lying there beside Iruka in the dark, thinking how nice it was to hear another breath, another heartbeat. Kakashi didn't really know Iruka, but he'd been starting to think he might like to.

He opened up icha icha looking for further words of advice and another of those damn hearts fluttered out. He'd given up wondering how Iruka was getting them to him when he'd found one in the toilet paper of the_ public bathroom_. He made the mistake of reading it.

_Your hair is fair,_

_Much like your face_

_It stands straight up_

_Like a field of grain  
_

_Waving with style and grace_…

He couldn't take much more of this.


	4. ACT IV: Broken Hearts

Title; The Right Way: A Love story in Four Acts

ACT 4: Broken Hearts

* * *

On his lunch break Iruka went to the butchers. When he'd asked for a pig's heart soaking in a litre of blood, the butcher had asked 'Do I want to know?' but when Iruka replied 'Probably not', they were sold to him without further comment.

They sat in his locker until 3, when the students left, whereupon he took them to Kakashi's apartment. The proper thing to do would be to drag this out over several days or even weeks, but he wasn't in the mood for that. While he set things up, he had to keep reminding himself that it was okay to leave traces.

Okay to leave fingerprints on Kakashi's door, okay to leave his scent in the hall, okay to let the neighbour see him coming up the stairs.

When he was finished, he went home for a quick diner, before heading out to the missions desk.

Rather belatedly, it occurred to him how much of a risk he was taking. If Kakashi wanted to, the Jounin could probably make Iruka's life fairly miserable. It was the usual after-prank letdown. Worries that he'd get into trouble, that someone would get really upset, that he wasn't being funny at all.

As usual, it was also too late to change things.

* * *

When Kakashi got home, his door was bleeding. He'd smelled it down the hall, the familiar reek of drying and rotting blood. It looked every bad as bit as it smelled.

I 'heart' you. Written in blood. With a razor-sharp kunai pinning the middle part of the arrangement in place. Blood had run down the length of the door and was pooling at the bottom.

He summoned Pakkun and pulled the throwing knife out, letting the bloody chunk of meat fall to the floor at his feet.

"Well brat, looks like you've got an admirer." The pug sniffed delicately at the fallen heart. "Romantic." Beady eyes squinted up at him. "You're not going to eat it?"

"I think I'll pass. Make sure it's not poisoned."

"Mmm, beef. Fresh today. Soaked in pig blood." He started chewing, speaking around a mouthful of bloody meat. "Hey, he's been in your place."

"Of course he has," Kakashi said with a sigh. Last night had been good, but he was sure as hell paying the price today.

"You smell tense. You ought to get laid."

"That," said Kakashi "is the problem." He flattened himself against the wall and eased the door open. Off to the side, Pakkun chewed his treat thoughtfully.

As soon as the door cleared the frame, there was an outwards cascade of paperbacks through the door.

On closer inspection they were second hand copies of Icha Icha (thankfully not his). When he opened one he discovered someone had helpfully underlined the words 'sex' 'fuck' and 'penis' everywhere they appeared.

_Alright_ thought Kakashi tiredly, running his fingers through his hair _you win._

_

* * *

_

When Kakashi came into the missions room, minutes before close, Iruka let his features slide into the vapid grin that had worked so well on his genin teacher.

"You look like a lovesick goat," muttered Shizune behind her hand.

"Shut up," said Iruka brightly without moving his lips.

"Iruka Sensei, could I speak with you? Alone?"

"Of _course_ Kakashi-san. _Anything_ for you." Iruka tried looking up flirtatiously through his eyelashes. Shizune muttered something about filing and fled.

"Stop that, you're creeping me out" muttered Kakashi.

"My apologies Kakashi-san," said Iruka, dropping the artifice. "but that was the point."

Kakashi slouched around into the chair beside Iruka, the two of them watching the door, side by side.

"You had me going there," said Kakashi thoughtfully. "That's not easy. The heart thing was a nice touch."

"I'll come by after work and clean it up."

"Don't bother. You made Pakkun's day, he's probably still licking the floor. Bloodstains add character anyway."

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. Iruka couldn't tell how Kakashi felt, but to him it seemed companionable.

"I'm sorry I took advantage last night," said Kakashi quietly. It was far, far more than Iruka had imagined.

"You didn't. I made my choice. It was…nice."

"_Nice?_" said Kakashi indignantly "Only nice?" Iruka shrugged, but he was smiling. "There's a new sushi place I've been meaning to try. I hear dolphins like tuna."

"Really?" said Iruka as he headed for the door. "And what do scarecrows like?"

"Crow, but I've eaten enough of that today," said Kakashi as they left the building. "You do a good impression of a creepy psycho stalker."

"If you think that was good, I need to tell you the one about the axe…"

* * *

And that is the story of how Kakashi and Iruka had sex, had romance, and went on a date, all in the wrong order. 


End file.
